Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Mother of Divine Jesus!












I can just about get my head around the idea of Disaster Porn. But Holocaust porn? That's too much. From the New York Times:

JERUSALEM, Sept. 5 — It was one of Israel's dirty little secrets. In the early 1960s, as Israelis were being exposed for the first time to the shocking testimonies of Holocaust survivors at the trial of Adolf Eichmann, a series of pornographic pocket books called Stalags, based on Nazi themes, became best sellers throughout the land.

Read under the table by a generation of pubescent Israelis, often the children of survivors, the Stalags were named for the World War II prisoner-of-war camps in which they were set. The books told perverse tales of captured American or British pilots being abused by sadistic female SS officers outfitted with whips and boots. The plot usually ended with the male protagonists taking revenge, by raping and killing their tormentors.

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Saturday, February 02, 2008

Ten Ways the World Could End

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Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Second Mumbling












When I first started this blog, the reasons for taking on such a horribly self-indulgent project were pretty clear to me. Yes there is the vanity. And yes there's the totally misjudged encouragement from cyber-friends and peers (I miss you DJ and Trust). But now that I've achieved the main goal of becoming a journalist, what possible reason is there for getting involved in the whole mucky business again? What kind of tortured vanity drives someone to keep a blog going for over two years when the only people visiting the site are spam mongers and sincere but desperately unhinged teenagers from the Middle East? Well its pretty simple:

1. A desperate longing for escape - life has taken a magnificent swing for the better for me over the last year (glad you asked). I've moved to a new city. I'm now getting paid for flogging the morbidly pessimistic ideas I was researching for my thesis. And I no longer cry myself to sleep at night. But still there's the itchy longing to escape from normal adult life. So I suppose by starting a blog up again, I'm aligning myself with that hulking autistic girl in Idaho who so wants to be a sweet little princess that she spends all her time on Second Life, shaking her unfeasibly pert digi-buttocks at other socially starved mongoloids. All we want is a better life for ourselves - Keep dancing sister!

2. Romantic illusions about journalism shattered - a year of peddling economic doom for a magazine is a year well spent in my books. But thats not to say that I enjoy the journalism game nearly as much as I thought I would - chiefly because my actual progress towards being a half way decent writer has been embarrasingly slow. So in an effort not to sap every ounce of enjoyment out of writing, I'm going to use this place to put up my attempts at real writing (fiction, short stories and such). Because I know that, deep down, there is a Harry Potter or a PS I Love You just dieing to leap out onto the page.

3. The constant spectre of Death - finally there's Death; who hasn't gone anywhere since I first posted on him. With the sad passings of Jeremy Beadle and Heath Ledger recently, I'm compelled to record every minute of my life, just to scrape the smallest vestages of consolation from the whole diabolic ordeal. Although I do expect Jeremy Beadle to remerge from Death wearing a silly disguise and presenting us all with a You've Been Framed award sometime in the next few days, its still worth taking account of what such beautiful people contributed to gay cinema, family entertainment and such. Heath and Jeremy - we salute you.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

The Best Music Review I've Ever Read

There are a small number of Irish bands who are constantly evolving, challenging both themselves and their listeners, pushing boundaries and experimenting with new, exciting ideas. The Frames, however, are most definitely not one of them. Hansard and co. have been hanging around the scene like an eggy fart since the early '90s, and with the exception of a couple of semi-enjoyable albums (Dance the Devil, For The Birds), have done absolutely nothing for Irish music except repeatedly dragged it back to sub-Waterboys, dated drivel.

The Cost is yet another bland offering of quiet-loud-quiet-let's-stick-in-a-violin-solo-here acoustic-based rock, and is indistinguishable from any other Frames album since the dawn of time (it has been that long, hasn't it?).Some lead singers model themselves on Godly, iconic musical figures, like Robert Plant, Jim Morrison, perhaps even Morrissey (yes, Preston, I'm looking at you); Glen Hansard cuts out the middle-man and aspires to be Jesus Christ himself. The self-styled Ginger Messiah's invariable warble wraps itself distressingly around one slow-burning ballad after another, and that's before you've heard the lyrics (see 'True' - 'I played the saint / And a saint I ain't).

Every track here bar one (the admittedly ace title track, an eerie, brooding affair) is hackneyed, monotonous and just bloody downright boring. Falling Slowly's whispered, building stance is more tedious than not only watching paint dry, but waiting for it to flake off the wall; the slightly livelier When Your Mind's Made Up says nothing they haven't said before, and Rise's piteous attempt at emotion ('Together we will fly above it all now') is plain embarrassing.

Hansard's perpetually-contrived sincerity and faux-humility surely makes him the most hollow frontman in Irish rock, but easy as it is to slate The Frames, or seize upon any kind of personal vendetta, The Cost simply does nothing to change people's minds one way or the other. If you already dislike them, here's more fuel for the fire; if you're already a fan, pick up your copy, hold it at eye level and smack it off your head repeatedly.

Many thanks to Mark and Simon for sending this onto me. If you are a Frames fan, then please feel free to leave a comment so that I can cut and paste the entire review in response

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Does Music Still Matter?













Jarvis Cocker is guest editor of this weekend's Observer Music Magazine and he assembled a group of friends in Dublin to debate the present state of music for the lead article. There was Nick Cave, Paul Morley, Beth Orton, Antony, Mary Margaret O'Hara, Jarvis and the singer of some up and coming band called The Hours. I was starving this morning when I stumbled into Garfunkel's for a grizzly breakfast-luncheon but still managed to let my food go cold as I read the article. I'm sure it will prove perfect source material for a sweeping narcissistic post about the nature of music. Oh look! It has!

I've been meeting a lot of people as I head around the city looking for a place to live over the last week and the first thing that everyone asks is what type of music you listen to. I have put my foot in it innumerable times at this stage. The usual exchange goes something like -

Housemate: So what kind of stuff do you listen to?
Me : Everything really. The only types of music I have a real problem with are hip-hop and jazz.
Housemate: I ONLY listen to hip-hop and jazz.

So I suppose the experience has brought it home for me how much music matters to people. But the question Jarvis' group is really trying to get to grips with is what does music do for us? From the point of view of the musician, Nick Cave reckons that making music is a simple act of survival. It's about looking for something sacred and getting lost in the experience. No surprise that St. Nick looks to bring religion into the bargain. But the group generally agrees that people aren't commited to music in the same way that previous generations were.

One reason for this that there seems to be no political message or uniting factor driving the music that is popular today. There's an unbelievable amount of choice and diversity available nowadays but music communities seem to be divisible more on the basis of tacky retro appeal and cosmetic choice than anything else.

You could also say that the experience of those of us who have grown up with electro might explain why nobody seems that bothered with big music anymore. If there's one thing that we've learned from electro over the last 20 years or so, it's that the experience of everyone coming together to enjoy music is ultimately a hollow one. You might hug complete strangers in the throws of a mashup but come, 5am, you'd probably find it hard to resist the compulsion to punch anyone who attempted the same thing. In Jarvis' own words - Is this the way they say the future's meant to be? Or just 20,000 people standing in a field?

So - cue inane Sex and the City plot hook - what do we actually get out of music? Well the most obvious benefit as far as I can see is to give our lives a narrative. I can trace my history of listening to music along the following line - Prince, U2, Gun'N'Roses, Metallica/Sepultura, Radiohead, Nick Cave/Tindersticks, Tom Waits, New Order, Brian Eno; ultimately arriving at joyous and very silly Electro-pop. You might indulge yourself in a little existential panic from time to time, but I think if you look back on your musical appreciation, you will probably indentify some class of a worthwile progression.

An even more important quality as far as I can see is to allow for some kind of small triumph over death. I don't mean in terms of the musicians themselves but that our appreciation of certain songs tends to outlive as much as they define certain points in your life. Friendships will deteriorate over time and groups will disperse but all that has to happen is for you to hear Blue Monday or Windowlicker and you are immediately dragged back to the underground space-cadet missions you took part in during your early twenties.

But finally the most obvious and simple reason why rabid music fans haven't actually died out, despite what the group might think about the shallowness of this generation of music fans, is because music still manages to lift life out of the humdrum every so often.

As a rabid music fan myself - although shallower than most - I can still pinpoint a few moments when I had that sacred experience that Nick Cave talked about. The last time I can remember it happening was on a bus into New York a couple of years ago. My brother and I had been convinced to spend a day in an outlet centre somewhere outside New York. Horribly hungover, we took one look around the centre and ran for the first bus back. We weren't seated long before my brother, exhausted from the experience, fell asleep with his face squashed against the window. I was a little more disorientated and spent 20 brain freezingly painful minutes trying to get my horribly malfunctioning ipod to offer one song to resurrect the situation. The bus moved off and all I could do was stare at my brother's face with utter hatred. Broken, I dropped my ipod and slumped into the chair.

Just as the ipod fell into my lap, my earphones blasted into life - a noise too loud to be deciphered immediately. My head rocketed forward and I stared blindly out the window with what seemed like every synapse in my brain blown to bits. Miraclously, it had started to snow at that exact moment and as the quietly tumbling guitar of These Days by Nico registered in my head - I noticed that the snow was falling impossibly slowly and for the duration of the song there seemed absolutely no distinction between me, the window, the snow and the song.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Saving Holly



There is a scary side to Jesus' love and if you let him into your heart, make sure you have a box of antacids at the ready. He walked 40 days and nights in the desert for you. He sacrificed himself on the cross for you. He even befriended stricken hookers for you - don't you think it's your turn to suffer?

Nobody wants to end up like Holly here - twisted and secular. Perhaps we should all follow the example of the young girl in this clip and repeat the lovely Soldier of Jesus mantra to our friends everyday. Say it eight times with me: Jesus is watching. Jesus is watching. Jesus is watching. Jesus is watching. Jesus is watching. Jesus is watching. Jesus is watching. Jesus is watching.

Disclaimer: Any similarity to sketches from Blue Jam are purely in your imagination.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Summertime Blues
















And so it's the end of the Summer. No more holidays for the forseeable future. Your close friends are either overseas or in the process of emigrating. The days are getting shorter. The last festival has come and gone. You start smoking again. You've been biting you lip behind the watercooler and it's all you can do to stop yourself from breaking down at your computer. Is there any way out of this woeful slump?

No, not really. These statements are all bold faced facts and you're just going to have to lump it. Honestly I don't think I can be of any real help at all here. But I can tell you that I am in excellent form at the moment and it is largely to do with the selection of songs I've been listening to. I know from experience that a lovely mix of cheerful summer pop balladry, mournful classics, exotic film scores and nostalgic teenage favourites is a useful companion during the summertime skids. And so I've compiled a list that fulfils all those criteria.

The first song is taken from a Won Kar Wei film called In the Mood for Love - perfect viewing for our purposes. I was so taken by it when I first saw the film that I was compelled to throw my arms around the telly and lick the screen. It's not a pleasant taste - telly - but the memory of the experience has kept me from indulging in spontaneous acts of despair since.

I've also included some uplifting summer hits by TV on the Radio, Toots & The Maytals, Sparks and a new breezy pop ballad from Yo La Tengo's new album - all are assured to reset the balance. There are some old friends in Ash and They Might be Giants to help out as well. And in the end, if you are still not satisfied, take solace in the fact that your life is nowhere near as tragic as Patsy Cline's. Just listen to her sing. Your life's not that bad is it?

As usual the songs are available in cybersist, username (clickerconspiracy) and password (mixtape) remain the same. The songs are in the files section. It was nice to hear that people enjoyed the Lost Highway tape. I'll leave it up there for another while in any case. Here is the new playlist:

1. Hua Yang De Nian Hua - Zhou Xuan
2. La Ballade de Melody Nelson - Serge Gainsbourg
3. Pocketful of Money - Jens Lekman
4. (Baby, Baby) Can I Invade Your Country - Sparks
5. Birdhouse in Your Soul - They Might Be Giants
6. Sweet and Dandy - Toots & The Maytals
7. Beenbag Chair - Yo La Tengo
8. Wolf Like Me - TV on the Radio
9. Gone the Dream - Ash
10. Cucurrucucu Paloma - Caetano Veloso
11. Cold Wind - Arcade Fire
12. Sleep Walk - Ritchie Valens
13. Galbraith Street - Ron Sexsmith
14. You Belong to Me - Patsy Cline

He Was a Rebel Jew