The Ultimate Christmas Present

While Christmas shopping with Trish the other day I came across these lovely items in HMV. The packaging of "The Ultimate Natural Disasters of the 21st Century" is considerably more tasteful than the cover available in this country (our one has a picture of terrified children desperately trying to escape a wall of water), but the sentiment I'm sure is not lost. It's Disaster Porn! It doesn't get anymore debased. It's what you want! After all, how terrible would it be to have to sit through Superman 3 and Short Circuit again this Christmas after the television bonanza that was last year's tsunami?

Anyway, because I studied Economics, my instinctual reaction to these items was to recognise a wonderful business opportunity... and so, I urge you to invite Terror into your home this Christmas with the Guantanamo Home Detention Facility (see below). Have a good laugh at the Bill of Human Rights and determine your loved one's breaking points while you're at it.

I had the opportunity to test the G.H.D.F. recently and I would definetly characterise myself as a satisfied customer. As you can see from the first picture, the subject was a little reluctant initially; she certainly had a lot of questions about the process of Terror. Emma (13) was chosen because she is my little sister but also because her Study As A Bin was commended for having a "Beckett-like" quality on her Christmas report card. That is not a joke.

There are a number of Distress Options available with the package, each depending on the nature of the supposed crime. I chose Option B. The Terrorist was denied sustinance and subjected to alternating 3 hour schedules over the course of a day. The first schedule involved a medley of Chrismas songs by Brendan O'Carroll and Ryan Tubridy. The second schedule involved me skipping around the Facility dressed as Shirley Temple Bar and the insistent repetition of the phrase "Telly Bingo, Tuesday Nights".

I really feel like I've learnt a great deal about the process of Terror. The Facility was cheap and certainly easy to assemble.The best thing about the Facility is that because of the nature of Sovereignty, the Facility isn't subject to the Bill of Human Rights. Feel free to contact me if you are interested. The first five customers will recieve a bonus prize of the flight simulator "Torture Planes"- Can you get the plane in and out of the airport before the local Gardai find out?

The Guantanemo Home Detention Facility Company is regulated by the Irish Financial Services Regulatory Authority. Shirley Temple Bar outfit not included.