I’ve been tucking into a superb book called
Moon Dust over the last couple of weeks and it’s a massively enjoyable read. The book tells the story of the 12 astronauts who took part in “the last optimistic act of the twentieth century”, the Apollo Moon Programme. It’s full of astonishing anecdotes and insights from the men who made the trip and I wanted to pass a few on here. I’ve just pulled complete sentences from the book and strung them together so I hope it makes sense.
Neil Armstrong/Buzz Aldrin on the Moon - As he steps onto the moon, the first thing that Aldrin becomes aware of is stepping back into gravity. There is a sense of relief as he reacquaints himself with it’s attention. He thinks about how the weightlessness of space had made him feel lonely. Like he was nowhere. Armstrong notices the intensity of the shadows thrown on the surface, an effect due to the lack of atmosphere. As he struggles to find a balanced gait on the lunar surface, his figure resembles that of a child, backlit and skipping. Staring into the distance he finds it difficult to take account of the visible curvature on the horizon, which lends the moon a special kind of intimacy. He looks in the direction of the Earth. He remembers feeling overwhelmed by it’s intricacy on the upward thrust, but now, he is able to block out it out completely with his thumb. When asked later if this experience made him feel like a giant, he would say that, instead, it made him feel very, very small.
As Armstrong and Aldrin took their first steps onto the moon, Lunar Command pilot Michael Collins was left orbiting in the module. As his craft drifted towards the moon’s dark side, Collins was swept into the impenetrable depths of the cosmos. Separated from all humanity, he was left utterly alone – an experience unknown to man before and one Collins’ hero Charles Lindbergh recognised as a more profound experience than that of the moonwalkers. In the early stages of solitude, he nervously implored of his moon-bound partners “Keep talking to me guys”, but finally as he drifted into absolute solitude, Collins was overwhelmed with a feeling he describes as Exultation. There is something comforting in the fact that a man, pitched as far from life as possible, can find solace in the complete darkness.
Collins would pay a high price for that feeling of solitude, gripped by an “earthly ennui that he was powerless to prevent”. There is a terrible sympathy when reading the book for the astronauts as you learn about their dysfunctional lives since the return. Some are to be found posing with strippers and Klingon’s at Star Trek conventions in places like Hull and Northampton. Some try to get a handle on their experience by repeatedly painting lunar surfaces or writing wildly nonsensical science fiction novels. Some simply fall into alcoholism, muttering about business plans to relaunch the space effort. It’s a very sad book at times but well worth the read for the perspectives each astronaut has from their experiences. As Dave Berman from the Silver Jews says:
People ask people to watch their scotch,
While people send people up to the moon.
When they return, well there isn’t much,
People, be careful not to crest too soon.
